Something about epic.

For a while now, things have been going downhill with temporary rises, as opposed to the normal highs with dips. The construction industry is so far down the drain that my finances have been dried up for 4 months now. A spot of money here and there is all i have to stay afloat, and thank God for that little bit that i have.  Through this I have developed minor onset of insomnia and depression.(please note the term "MINOR")  brought back some old habits and have recently been beating them with a large wooden stick with coarse thread drywall screws coming out of all sides. AKA i'm recovering, and so far fairly successfully.  Through the friends that i have here in ATL and a select few elsewhere i've managed to maintain what little sanity i'm able to grasp onto.

As far as work goes, the APD is hiring, recently found out autozone is hiring, and the illusive call for actual handyman work.

Now for a part i know some people that care even the slightest about this, the spiritual side.  Last week i was rocked by the spirit and realized how hard hearted and stonewalled i had become again.  The words that i pictured in my head while praying was "The rock on the inside is the one that kills"  A majority of my life has been filled with become a stronger person. Not through strength to help others, but strength others can look up to.  My crew were and still are the peak of that definition.  However once saved i realized there were different definitions of strength, that i could be a strong man while crying and singing(and yes, i have done this a few times, tonight including)  I may not be the epitome of physical strength but i surprise those who judge me for my size, i can take emotional hits that most cannot and hide the emotion or even not feel it at all.  Here we see emotional, and physical strength, two of the four that make my life.  Physically i am proud of where i'm at but would like to (and need to) increase my abilities.  Emotionally, i've given up trying to always be a rock, i almost dont care at all anymore.

Moving to the last two, the less visible, the mental and spiritual strength.  Not trying to boast, but normally my mental state though odd, is running very well.  my perception and analysis of day to day issues has led me very well and tends to match or impress those much older with more experience with more of everything dealing with the said situations... but that isnt everything.  not anymore.  my common sense, the way i break down everything and everyone i see into sections and figure out the way it works doesnt work.  and thats because the last strength in me is weak at this time.  spiritually my cup is low, and every time it gets filled, it disappears.

The best thing that i pray nowadays is for more of Him, less of me.  because i'm not exactly doing so well on my own steam.  and i may very well be using what he gives me to blow my own way through things.