God in my life.

In the not too distant future(half an hour) I plan to begin a one year long journey into the depths of God.  I promised both God and my best friend, and man responsible for introducing me to God, that I would press into His word the day Josh finished his one year of spiritual fertilization.  

I sit here in awe looking back at the man I used to be.  I hate what I once was now.  But God is using my past to help others that I cross paths with.  

I was cruel, worked out of fear and forced respect rather than honor and discipline.

I ruined other men's lives, and am responsible for the loss of another's. (as far as I can find out)

I hated everyone.

I only loved myself and a few others.

My life was based around forcing others to respect me, through fear and cruelty.  It forced me into darkness beyond what I ever want to feel again.

I watched people die, and laughed.  

I was evil.

I focused on what benefited myself more than others.

I was an alcoholic.

I was addicted to sex.

I was addicted to work.

On April 21st, 2009, around 11 PM, it all changed in a single verse.

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ"-Philippians 3:8(ESV)

Up till that time, my best friend Josh had been trying to show me the Love that God is since August 28, 2008. After a very rough part of my life I just needed someone to talk to, and I felt the urge to go to him for support. February 13,2009 I broke down on his shoulder as he tried to comfort me. I guess try isn't a good word. He *did* comfort me, he prayed for me, he sat with me as I cried for what seems like the first time in my life.  Josh was what no other friend was.  He loved me the way Christ loves him.  He was the closest I'd ever come to talking with God up to that point.  

Fast forward to March/April and I'm sitting at red lights halfway reading a devotional he gave me.  Nothing special I thought. Just a book that Christians give out to try and convert people, didn't work for me. Sure it had some useful information in there that i had to sit on for a while, but nothing sank in.  I continued my downward spiral of what I could only describe as a *shitstorm* of a life. Working far too much, if I wasn't at work, I was in my girlfriends bed, or in an empty bottle.  Life seemed good. I had a 30K+ Job and 19 years old, turning 20.  I owned 1/3 of the second oldest electrical contractor in the state of Georgia, and managed that third of the company myself.

As April set its foot in the door of my life, business had grown so thin that we had closed our office and had all moved our offices to our homes.  We layed people off what seemed like every other week.  My girlfriend was becoming a bitch, and life in general was getting crazy.  Eventually I ended it with the now ex-gf, who still tries to keep contact(sorry if you've managed to find this, but we both knew it)  About 6 PM on the 21st of April, after a really slow day, my boss called.  We were so far under that we essentially shut down the entire company minus himself, who planned to save it by just using temp agencies to do our work.  My 2001 Chevy 2500, gone. Job, gone. GF, gone.  

about 10 PM that night I was having trouble sleeping, and felt the need to get the devotional out of my car. I did so, left it on the shelf near the bed. About half an hour of trying to sleep I decided that it wouldn't hurt to read something out of it.(Mind you this is a day-to-day devotional, and its April 21st) The first page I hit is July 10th. I'll let y'all guess what was on that page.

I was so moved by the passage that I gave up my life then and there. I texted Josh a brief "I've got something to tell you, but if i call you now I'll wake up the whole house!"

Since then, I've become a servant, a man of peace, a loving man, a loving friend, a defender and enforcer.  I would, and WILL give my life to anyone that God tells me to.  I live for something greater than myself. I've found a strength that can pull a man out of anything.  I've found God.  

He has moved me into Atlanta. He has put me into leadership positions. He has put me in a place of respect out of LOVE. And all that He asked, was that I live for Him.  And I did, and continue to do. Everyday I live.  Without Him I am nothing. Without Him I would be a hopeless soul on a battlefield, with no purpose but something as menial as my *country* and the orders of men.  

Now when I think about where I wanted to go when all else failed. I realize that's where I can do good.  I want to go to the warzones where people are torn and broken spiritually, and save them.  I do not care if they become "Christian" for it is nothing more than a word placed on the western civilizations by the rest of the world. It nothing more than a word for how we live.  If I minister to a Muslim man, I WILL respect his identity in God Almighty.  God shows no favor over his children. Jewish, Christian, Muslim. It matters not. What matters is Christ.

What saved me, can save anyone. The One that saved me, is the Savior of all.